Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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