i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
