Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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