Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
