when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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