I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
