Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
