i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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