It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
