grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize