You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
