Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
