Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
