Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
