my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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