i permit you to call me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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