The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
