i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
