It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
