Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
