I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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