Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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