epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
