Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
