I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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