Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
where am i from again
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
