Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh god it's open bar.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
