So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
