You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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