the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize