He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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