we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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