i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
