i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
