mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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