I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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