I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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