the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
