i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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