pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
