How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
