dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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