The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
