she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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