In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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