I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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