Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
