Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
