I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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