the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
