So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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