Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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