i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
MIDGETS
????
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize