Welp...herpes.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
