Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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