I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i will never coherently bang her
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
