Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
