i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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